


It's Lonely at the Top

by ivycross



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst and Humor, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-18
Updated: 2012-08-18
Packaged: 2017-11-12 09:08:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/489170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivycross/pseuds/ivycross
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain Kirk's peculiar behavior has the rest of the crew disturbed, so Spock makes plans for shore leave.<br/>Prequel to Things Left Unsaid</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Bridge

**Author's Note:**

> I only just realized that I never posted this here but I posted the follow up to it, Things Left Unsaid. That was silly of me. This here is My first k/s fic and it is very much a work in progress, even now. Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or any of the characters there in. This story was written for entertainment purposes only.

Captain’s Log:

Star date 3146.5

We are heading to the planet Lextis. I have been ordered by Starfleet command to take a retinue and attend a diplomatic function. It is the 105th birthday of one of the planet’s senators, one that has been pushing for the planet to join the federation. Starfleet feels that it is in everyone’s best interest to attend. I will be attending and Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, and Mr. Scott will be joining me. I understand that since this will be a ball held in the Senator’s honor we will be allowed each a plus one.

Captain Kirk finished the recording leaning back in his chair sighing softly.  He had been contacted by Starfleet last night and told about the ball. Of course, he had been planning on going straight past Lextis to head for Beta 627, since the  Enterprises’  next mission was to classify the flora and fauna of the planet’s surface. 

Starfleet Command stressed that having representation at the ball would help move along diplomatic talks in convincing the planet to join the federation.  It was pointed out that Kirk and members of his crew would be a perfect choice to attend and not just because they were already in the vicinity.

Kirk sighed again this time attracting the attention of his first officer Mr. Spock. Spock looked up from the viewer to turn and look at his captain.  “Is there something amiss, Captain?” Spock’s stern baritone roused Kirk out of himself. He straightened up in his seat.

“No Spock. Why do you ask?” He flashed his first officer a bright smile to emphasize his response.  

Spock raised an eyebrow and said nothing for a few seconds. Then he replied. “Well Captain, you have sighed twice in the span of 10.257 seconds. That is quite abnormal for you.”

Kirk eyed Spock and swore to himself in his own mind.  His smile was gone now but a corner of his mouth twitched up for a second and he made a sound like a “harrumph.”  For a moment the captain and his first officer just stared at one another, neither moving, neither blinking. 

Kirk broke off first.  Looking down at the control panel of his chair he spoke. “Observant as ever Mr. Spock, but there is nothing the matter.” He looked back up to meet Spock’s gaze, his smile back, but this time warmer showing no signs of being forced. “Thank you for asking.” 

“There is no need to thank me, Captain. I feel it is part of my duty to see that you are fit, both physically and mentally. Since you are the captain, you must be top condition to make decisions and lead us efficiently. Even though you assure me that you are indeed able-bodied, I still have my doubts and insist that you see the good doctor.”  Spock spoke without one flicker of emotion, his angular face giving nothing away. 

Kirk sighed for a third time, but deeper than before.  He turned from Spock and stood. “Perhaps you are right, Mr. Spock. I believe that shift is about over.” 

Spock nodded once.  “In 3.759 minutes, Captain.” 

Kirk nodded his own head several times. Slowly it bobbed up and down. “Yes, I think I will go see Dr. McCoy. You are in charge till the shift ends.”  

“Yes Sir,” Spock said as he turned back to the viewer without further comment.  Kirk left the bridge and headed for sickbay.

  
  



	2. Sickbay

Dr. McCoy stood over his patient arms crossed and a stern look to his face. He glared down at the young ensign lying on the biobed. His eyes narrowed and growled. “Listen to me young man. This sickbay is for those who are truly ill, not for those who are hungover from too much Romulan ale.  Now I suggest drinking some water, taking an aspirin and heading to your post.” The Ensign swallowed hard making an audible gulping noise and sprang up from the biobed.

As he rushed out the door he collided into Kirk. The two bounce off one another, knocking the ensign to the floor. Kirk shook himself and looked down. He helped the young man off the ground. “Here now what’s the rush?” Kirk held the ensign by the shoulders looking him over. The ensign was about to reply when he realized who it was that he so carelessly ran into. He blanched and breaking free of Kirks grip, he ran down the corridor.

Kirk peered after the running man and shrugged. He stepped into the sickbay and was greeted by his friend Dr. McCoy.  “Hello Jim. What can do for you?”  Kirk walked up to McCoy and spread out his hands while shrugging his shoulders.  

Smiling he said, “Well Bones, Spock seems to think that sighing too many times is an affliction. I hope you have a cure.”

The smile on Kirk’s face broadened, but Dr. McCoy did not return the captain’s grin. Instead, he placed his arms behind his back and angled his head to one side looking concerned.  Jim stopped grinning. “Oh come on, Bones. Don’t tell me you think there is a problem too?”

McCoy shifted his head to the other side, a troubled look to his face. His brow furrowed and his bit his lower lip.  He turned away from Kirk towards Nurse Chapel. “Nurse, would you mind going to storage container five and checking something for me? I need to know the count of vaccines in there.” 

Nurse Chapel reading the doctor’s tone understood what he was really asking and nodded. “Yes doctor.” McCoy watched her go. As the door shut behind her he turned back Kirk. 

“May I speak freely Jim?” 

Kirk gaped at McCoy and then laughed. “What is this Bones? Of course you can and you didn’t need to send Nurse Chapel away either.  You could have said what you needed to say in front of her.” 

“No, I don’t think so Jim. It’s not anything bad but I feel better about saying this without it getting around the ship.” McCoy moved his arms from behind him. He crossed one over his chest and he placed the elbow over it, putting that hand to his mouth. It was curled in a soft fist, knuckles facing out. He placed the tip of his thumb in his mouth biting down on it gently.

His face took a pensive appearance. Slowly he turned from Kirk, walked a pace or two then turned back to gaze at Kirk. He moved his hand from his mouth crossing that arm over the other.  “Jim,” McCoy paused taking a deep breath.  He looked around with a slightly annoyed look muttering, “I cannot believe I’m about to say this.” He then locked eyes on Kirk and started again, “I have to agree with Spock here. I think there’s something wrong that you are not telling anyone.”

“What?” Kirk asked sounding indignant.  

McCoy held up a hand. “Let me finish Jim. For awhile now you have been acting slightly odd. Everyone has noticed but no one has said anything because despite whatever it is, you are still able to perform your duties. That does not mean that it has not caused some unease.” 

“And what would that be?” Kirk twisted his mouth angrily. He crossed his own arms and shifted to a more defensive stance.  McCoy scowled and lowered his arms to his sides. He stepped up to Jim so they were face to face.

“I knew you would react like this. Now you listen to me, Jim. I’m your friend and so is Spock. Frankly we are worried about you. You have been acting peculiarly. You seem to be moping. You heave these dramatic sighs all the time. You have been taking your meals in your quarters. You let Spock beat you in chess the other day and when he pointed it out you just shrugged. You normally have a bounce to your step and a warm smile for you crew, but now you just go around frowning, not talking to anyone.  When we were on that last planet and they held that big banquet in your honor, one of the serving girls was all but straddling you, yet you didn’t seem to notice.” 

Here McCoy stopped to take a breath. He gave Kirk a concerned look and said, “That is not the James T. Kirk I know. Now what is going on, Jim? You can tell me. You should know that you do not have to keep things from me or from Spock for that matter.” 

Kirk felt his expression soften. He looked away from McCoy. “I just have a lot on my mind, Bones.” He glanced back to his friend his smile betraying him completely. “That’s all.” He said softly.  

McCoy’s expression did not charge but he knew that Kirk was not going to say what was troubling him. The doctor clapped his friend and captain on the back. “All right Jim, but take some rest. We have that ball to go to tomorrow night and we need you to charm those Lextion bigwigs.” 

At this Kirk laughed. Eyes twinkling, he gave his friend a mischievous smirk. “Bones, I could to that in my sleep.” 

McCoy returned Jim’s laugh with one of his own that was marked with a hint of relief.  “I don’t doubt that for one second, but we don’t want that be the case.” 

“You are right, Bones. I think I will go rest in my corridors for a while and then join you and Spock for dinner in mess hall.”  With another playful flash of a smile Kirk bid farewell to his friend and proceeded to his rooms.

  
  



	3. Mess Hall

The mess hall was full. Laughter, surprised gasps, and everyday idle chatter flooded the air. Each table was teeming with red, blue and gold uniforms. But Kirk sat by himself at one table, staring off into the ether. His dinner sat on the table in front of him untouched. "Captain?" Startled out his thoughts Kirk looked up to see Lieutenant Uhura standing next to him, a troubled expression on her face. "Are you alright, Captain?" 

Kirk shook himself to clear his thoughts. "Of course I am, Lieutenant." He flashed a beaming smile. Uhura smiled back, noticeably relaxing. Kirk gestured to the seat next to him. "Please, won't you join me lieutenant?" 

He stood and pulled out a chair for the communications officer. "Thank you, Captain." She gently placed her food tray on the table and gracefully took the seat offered to her. Once she was settled in, Kirk sat back down. Uhura shook out her napkin laying it on her lap. As she picked up her fork she said, "I hope I'm not interrupting anything? I saw that there was an empty seat here so I thought I could join you, but when I saw the look on your face I thought I should stop and see that you were alright first." She took a bite of her dinner and chewed carefully waiting for the captain to answer.

"What look was that?" Kirk had turned slightly in his chair to face Uhura. She finished chewing and dabbed at her mouth with her napkin.

"Well Captain, It's hard to describe. It was as if you were lost. Like you were unsure of where you were. It was a little sad too. That with the fact you haven't touched your food, I had to ask if you were okay." She took another bite and chewed in silence her eyes fixed on the captain.

Kirk let out a soft chuckle. "I'm fine Lieutenant. Maybe a little preoccupied. That coupled with too little sleep seems to have left me a bit out of sorts, but don't fret about me." He grinned wider. 

Uhura took a sip of her water and smiled back. "I'm relieved to hear that. Please forgive me, but I overheard the conversion between you and Mr. Spock this morning. You have had everyone very worried lately and when you left to go to the sickbay, we on the bridge thought the worst." Kirk said nothing. Uhura stepped in to fill the gap.

"But it seems that you are alright now, so…" She trailed off. The smile was gone from the Kirk's face and his demeanor turned chilly. Uhura fidgeted with her fork and then grasped at a conversational straw. "Are you excited about the ball tomorrow, Captain?" She asked brightly. 

Kirk seeing the question for what it was reset his expression. "Of course. You seem excited as well, may I ask why?" 

Uhura had taken another bite of food and the question took her off guard. She smiled while she chewed but placed a hand over her mouth. When she finished her bite she placed her hands in her lap with a slight blush on his face.

"I am excited. Mr. Scott asked me if I would accompany him to the ball and well, I don't get to attend many events like this so… I have a wonderful set of hair combs that I bought several shore leaves ago in a local bazaar. They are so pretty, but I haven’t had a chance to wear them yet. I hope he likes them."

"I sure they are lovely and Mr. Scott will agree once he sees them." 

Uhura started to reply when a tray crashed on the table. McCoy sat down with a huff and shook his head. "I swear these ensigns. They came into sickbay acting like they are about to lose a limb and it’s nothing worse than a paper cut. Complete waste of my time." 

McCoy took his fork and fiercely stabbed his plate, shoving the bite of food in his mouth with no sign of enjoyment. As he chewed and glared, Kirk looked sideways at Uhura. He saw her trying to suppress a smile. Kirk looked back to McCoy smiling and said in mock concern.

"My word Bones, sounds like you have had a rough day. Wouldn't you say so, Lieutenant?" 

Uhura masking her express of amusement with one of seriousness started bobbing her head in agreement. "Absolutely, Captain." She stated. McCoy glowered at both of them.

"Captain?" The sound of Spock's voice started everyone at the table. He sat down on the other side of Kirk, giving him his full attention. "Are you feeling better, Jim?" 

Kirk noticed the use of his informal name and gave Spock a genuine smile. "I am Spock. Thank you for asking." 

Spock tipped his head slightly to one side. "You are welcome Captain, but may I remind you that thanks are not in order, since I am just attending to my duty as your first officer." At this McCoy rolled his eyes went back to attacking his dinner. Uhura laughed and continued eating her meal. Kirk just shook his head. "I know Spock. So where is your dinner?" Kirk gestured to his own untouched food. "You should eat something."

"I have already partaken of my meal and was on my way out of the mess hall when I noticed you here. I thought that it would be wise to stop and ask about your condition."

"Well Spock, if you have already eaten we won’t keep you, but we would like it if you stayed to chat while we finished our dinners." Kirk looked to McCoy and Uhura for confirmation of this.

"We would?" McCoy looked incredulous as he spoke and was shushed by Lieutenant Uhura. 

She beamed at Spock. "Please pay Dr. McCoy no mind, Mr. Spock. Stay and keep us company." 

Spock looked from the Lt. to the Captain, to the scowling doctor. "Lieutenant, I usually do not pay any mind to the good doctor or what he says. As for staying here, since I have no pressing matters to attend to, I will stay here to hold conversations with you all while you continue to eat your meals. Speaking of meals, Jim I have noticed that you have not touch yours. Is there something affecting your appetite?" 

Spock had raised his eyebrow at Kirk. McCoy and Uhura both stopped eating leaning in to hear the answer. Kirk licked his lips and opened his mouth to reply. He was saved by Mr. Scott, Mr. Sulu and Mr. Chekov.

Chekov took the seat next to Uhura, while Scotty and Sulu sat on either side of McCoy. Scotty turned to McCoy. "You know, I don't appreciate you sending hungover ensigns to the engineering deck."

"Well I don't appreciate your hungover ensigns cluttering up my sickbay." McCoy replied with anger creeping into his voice.

"Bah." Scotty replied. Kirk chuckled at this little exchange thankful for the distraction from Spock's question. Spock's face remained impassive as he waited for an answer to his question. The captain decided to ignore him.

"So Scotty, what did you do with the young man?" Kirk asked, assuming the ensign in question was the same one that crashed into him earlier that day. 

Scotty started buttering a roll and grunted. "I told him to go his quarters and not to come back till he knew how to hold his drink. I wasn't going to have him messing with my ship in that state." 

Everyone laughed at this including McCoy. Sulu was the next to speak. "Captain, how are you feeling? We were all little worried when you left this morning." 

Kirk grinned at his helmsman. "Oh that. It was just Mr. Spock over reacting to a little insomnia I have been dealing with." As he spoke Kirk clapped a hand on Spock's shoulder. Spock did not seem to notice but continued to wait for the captain's answer to his last question.

Sulu gaped. "Spock overreacting?" 

Chekov piped in. "That's not possible." The others nodded in agreement. 

Kirk straightened in his seat and in his best Spock impression said, "Don't you mean illogical?" He cocked one eyebrow in a mock imitation of his first officer. 

The table erupted in laughter. Spock himself sat up right in his seat leaning back from the captain. McCoy frowned, but others ignored them both. 

Kirk held out his hands, palms down signaling to everyone to quiet down. "Now, let's not make fun of Mr. Spock. He had my best interest in mind, that's all. But I am as fit as a fiddle." He puffed out his chest and pretended to beat on it like a silverback gorilla. 

McCoy looked over at Spock and caught his eye. Spock's impassive features bobbed his brow at the doctor conveying in that gesture that he wasn't buying what the captain was selling. McCoy looked back to Kirk still frowning. Kirk noticed this and quickly moved to another topic.

"Mr. Scott, Lieutenant Uhura tells me she will be attending the ball with you to tomorrow?" 

Scotty's face seemed to light up from the inside as he replied. "Oh aye! And you canna find a luckier man aboard this ship." 

Kirk's pressed his lips together; his brow raised and looked around everyone at the table. "I'm sure we wouldn't."

 

Suddenly McCoy blurted, "Who are you taking, Jim?" Abruptly everyone attention was back on the captain. 

Kirk swallowed and heard Spock say is his normal monotone. "It seems that everyone is fascinated in who will be attending with you, Captain. Please enlighten us." Kirk looked at his first officer and saw Spock sitting there facing him with his arms crossed. There was a hint of amusement on Spock's face. Kirk's mouth twitched up briefly.

"Well," he started, "I thought about whom I should take and I decided that it would be better for me to not have a date if you will. This is still a diplomatic function and it is up to us to convince the Lextions that it would be in their best interest to open communications with Starfleet. I need to devote myself to this task completely." The tone of the table changed to something more sober. 

Lieutenant Uhura shifted in her seat as she turned back to her dinner. Before taking a bite she remarked. "Well I know there is going to be a lot of disappointed ladies tomorrow night." She chewed slowly preparing the next bite on her fork. 

Kirk tilted his head, "Really?"

Before Uhura could answer Sulu responded. "Oh yes. It’s all I’ve heard many of the female crew talk about. In fact it seems to be all anyone’s talking about." 

Kirk only smiled a half smiled at this. "Well… Maybe next time. Now if you will all excuse me, I'm going to make sure my dress uniform is clean and pressed. Good Night." 

There was a chorus of "good night captains" as Kirk stood up from the table. Spock stood as well. "May I walk with you Captain?"

"Certainly, Spock." 

The other's watched them leave the mess hall. Mr. Sulu turned to McCoy his brows knitted together. "Do you think the captain is okay, really?" 

McCoy turned to Sulu. "Do you?" Sulu said nothing but shook his head turning back to his dinner. Everyone else followed suit.

 

As Spock and Kirk walked down the corridor to the captain's chambers Kirk suddenly stopped and motioned to Spock to do the same. "Spock, I want to apologize to you for making fun of you back there. You know I have the utmost respect for you as my friend and my first officer." 

Spock stood there facing his captain stoically, arms placed behind his back. "I am aware of your respect for me Captain, but I am equally aware that in a tight corner you will use anything as a weapon. You made me a joke in order to deflect from yourself. Though I can understand your actions I cannot say that I approve." 

Kirk's shoulders sagged with shame.

Spock noticed this and continued. "And though I do not approve of you making me the butt of your jokes to distract the others from noticing your own flaws, I will say I forgive you since it seems you are quite repentant." 

Kirk's head jerked up and stared at Spock, relief washing over him. "Thank you Spock." He breathed. 

There was a faint impression of a smile to Spock's mouth. "You are welcome, Jim." They walked the rest of the way in companionable silence.


	4. The Ball

The birthday for Senator Mandex was the talk of Lextis. The whole planet was abuzz about the ball that was being held in her honor. The who's who from everywhere was there and as the crew of the  Enterprise  walked down the red carpet they noticed that all eyes were on them.

Kirk walked out front with Mr. Spock by his side. Behind them was Dr. McCoy who was escorting Nurse Chapel, her bright blonde hair in curls. Pulling up the rear was Mr. Scott arm in arm with Lieutenant Uhura, her hair held up with two large combs shaped as starbursts that glittered in the flashing lights of the press cameras.

As the party entered the great hall they were announced to the waiting crowd that spread out below. A massive staircase led down and the red carpet continued flowing through the crowd till it stopped in front of a small dais. There sat Senator Mandex.

Like all Lextions she was tall, lithe and beautiful. Her complexion was olive in tone and completely clear. Her hair was the color of copper and it trailed down to the floor. Though she was turning 105 because Lextions aged at a very slow rate she did not look to be a day over thirty. Her feline eyes flashed as she greeted the crew. She gave each of them a respectful nod which they all returned.

"Greetings Captain Kirk, Lieutenant Commander Spock, Dr. McCoy, Nurse Chapel, Lieutenant Commander Scott, and Lieutenant Uhura. I am so glad that you all could come."

"The pleasure is ours I assure you. We would not have missed this for anything, Senator." As he spoke Kirk seemed to glow from the inside. He radiated a warmth and charm that was almost tangible. Maybe it was, because while Kirk spoke to the Senator other influential Lextions turned to regard the captain in awe. If Kirk noticed the attention of the other Lextions he chose to ignore it, keeping his stare fixed on the Senator.

She noticed though and seemed to please her greatly that the dashing captain looked only at her. "So… all of the stories are true. I never would have thought that such a man could exist but here you are in front of me."  

At this Dr. McCoy resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Kirk gave the senator his most debonair expression. The senator returned one of sultry approval. "I hope you all enjoy yourselves here and please dear captain save me dance won't you?" The senator last words were purred.

"But Of Course, Senator." Kirk's words dripped with honey. 

As the crew stepped out of earshot McCoy came in step with Kirk. He leaned toward Kirk and hissed, "Jim, if that conversation back there had been any thicker, it would have been molasses."

"Relax Bones. It's a party. Enjoy yourself." Kirk waved the doctor off dismissively as McCoy took Nurse Chapel's arm and lead her away. Scotty and Uhura were already heading towards the dance floor, Scotty leading her into a waltz. 

Kirk turned to Spock. "Ready to schmooze, Mr. Spock?"

"I believe Captain, that I will let you handle the schmoozing."

Kirk sighed heavily. "Why Not, everyone else does." 

As the night wore on the crew each took their turns talking to the other guests at the party. Kirk paid special attention to the Senator and danced with her many times. But as it grew later in the evening, Kirk seemed to withdrawal from the rest of the gathering. Spock attempted to keep an eye on him, but since it was as much his duty to "schmooze" as it was the captain’s he would often lose sight of him. At one point while scanning the crowd and avoiding Nurse Chapel's request for a dance, Spock finally found the captain at the refreshment table.

He trekked across the hall to where Kirk stood guzzling punch. Getting closer Spock observed a slight redness to Kirk’s face, his stance unsteady, and when he spoke there was a slur in his Speech. "Sspock! Having ffun?" 

Spock inhaled sharply. He asked sternly. "Captain, are you quite alright?"

"Ssure. Just having ssome of this punch." Spock looked to the table and the half empty punch bowl. 

"How much of the punch have you consumed?" 

Kirk screwed up his face in contemplation. "Sdontknow. Sgood though. Wantss ssome?" Kirk held out his, Spock noted, empty cup to the Vulcan. 

"No Captain, I do not. I think that it would be wise to take you outside for a bit." Spock gently took the cup from Kirk's unresisting hand and led him outside into the State Gardens.

Spock had read before beaming down to the planet that the pride of Lextis was the State Gardens of the Great Hall in their capital city. In the gardens there was plant life from everywhere in the universe and it was quite impressive to all who saw it. 

Spock had wanted to see it in the daylight but the Great Hall had closed all tours down for the day due the Senator's Birthday celebration. But in the pale light of the planet's moon the garden was quite extraordinary and fragrant. Spock located a stone bench and guided Kirk to it. Kirk sat down with a grunt and viewed the surrounding gardens with nothing short of wonder.

"My goodness Sspock. It'ss beautiful." 

Spock laid a hand on Kirk's shoulder. "Yes it is, Captain." 

A tiny sound escaped Kirk's lips. It was almost a sigh, but not quite. "It’s quiet here." Kirk whispered. 

Spock leaned down to hear. "It is Captain." 

"I like the quiet, Spock." Spock had heard that the slur was gone from Kirk's voice but it had been replaced with a soft sad tone. 

Spock arched one crewed brow. "Do you, Captain?"

"Yes. Sometimes..." Kirk was looking down at his shoes now and Spock now had to sit next to him so he could hear what his captain was saying. Kirk started speaking again.

"I never get to be quiet, you know. I'm Captain James T. Kirk of the  USS Enterprise and intergalactic hero. No quiet for me." 

Spock held his breath while Kirk spoke. He had never heard anything like this from his captain and despite his years of training and control he felt certain emotions come to the surface of his facade, worry and dread. Kirk did not seem to notice the subtle change that came over Spock but continued talking.

"Did you hear Uhura yesterday, Spock? And Sulu too. How they both remarked on all the female crew wanting to be the one I asked to come here with me tonight? The ladies love me Spock, supposedly.” Kirk's  face twisted making him look as bitter as he sounded.

“But when it really mattered were any of them there with me? And later when my back is going to be up against a wall will it be one of them that will come to my aid? No. I'm alone Spock. Completely Alone…" Kirk had trailed off and Spock took his cue.

"Captain, I think that we should get you back onto the ship. I will tell the Senator that you have taken ill and…" Spock did not get to finish that sentence because Kirk suddenly started talking again oblivious to what his first officer was saying. He face had softened and he looked directly and Spock.

"But I'm not alone, you know? I'm not because I have you." Kirk lightly touched Spock's face. Before Spock could react the hand was gone, but Kirk continued talking. "I have you. For as long as I have known you Spock you have been there with me. I watched you fight beside me, fight for me and sometimes with me."

"Affirmative .You are my captain and I will always be with you." As Spock spoke he watched the same warmth and light come forth from Kirk, but it was different than it had been for the senator. This was real brought on by the captain's affection for his friend. 

Kirk placed both hands on Spock's shoulders and leaned in. His eyes were glassy and his mouth twitched up on the one side giving the Vulcan a lopsided grin. Spock smelt the alcohol on Kirk's breath.

"I know that. And that is what has been on my mind lately. Why I have been acting so strangely. I have been thinking about my life, Spock and I don't want to spend it  alone. I want someone to spend it with. Someone I can share my life with, my whole life. I want that person to be you, Spock."

Spock seemed to freeze in his place. There was a flood of emotions now and they were all battling with one another to be felt, but Spock reinforced his resolve. "I do not think I understand Jim."

"I think you do, Spock." And with that Kirk kissed his first officer. His arms wrapped around Spock and he closed his eyes. Spock felt panic and embarrassment, but did not move. He could not move. Kirk's action had taken Spock so completely by surprise that he was locked into place by pure shock.

He felt Kirk's lips press into his hard and his tongue was trying to find its way into Spock's mouth. It fought its way in and gently ran it way over Spock own tongue, over the roof of his mouth, around the sides. 

It was more than Spock could take. He tore away from Kirk and stood. He watched as Kirk sitting on the bench, breathing heavily wiped the saliva from his mouth. Spock took the sleeve of his dress uniform and wiped his own lips clean. He too was breathing heavily and there was wild look to his eye that Kirk did not recognize. "Spock, are you…?"

"Be silent Captain." Spock barked words. This was not a request; it was a command, one that would be obeyed. Spock reached into his dress uniform and pulled out his communicator. He flipped it open. "Spock to Enterprise, Respond."

"Enterprise here."

"I am here with the Captain. Can you find our coordinates?"

"Uh, yes Mr. Spock."

"Excellent. You will beam us both up now." Then to Kirk, "I suggest you stand up now Captain." Kirk stood without comment. 

There was a crackle from the communicator. "Umm Mr. Spock, is everything okay, sir?" Spock shot the communicator such a glare that the device should have melted in his hand.

"I suggest you save your questions and perform you job ensign. I will report you to Mr. Scott, whom I am given to understand is already displeased with you because you showed up to your post recovering from consuming too much alcohol. I will make sure things go hard for you, if you can understand what I am trying to convey to you." 

The ensign voice cracked when he replied. "Understood, Sir. Preparing to beam aboard."

Once back on the Enterprise, Spock seemed to regain his composure. The young ensign that had been the target of Spock's wrath a moment before stepped back from the Vulcan and looked to the captain, who looked to be both embarrassed and dazed. The ensign found the courage to speak.

"Mr. Spock, what is wrong with the captain?" 

Spock looked at the ensign as if seeing him for the first time. He looked back to Kirk who hadn't yet step off the transporter. Turning back to the ensign he said. "The captain is not feeling well at the present and needs to rest. I will escort him to his quarters and then I will be beaming back down to planet to inform the others of what was transpired." 

With that Spock took Kirk by the arm and gently led him out of the transporter room and down the corridors to the captain's quarters. Once there he plugged in the security code to open the door and then as gently as he could he pushed Kirk into the room. Kirk staggered and then moved back towards the door. "Spock, please wait let me explain."

"No need, Captain. You are intoxicated. That on top of your already agitated mental state, you are quite unwell. But do not worry.  I will explain to the others and the senator. You need to rest. Good Night, Captain."

"Spock, wait…" But Spock closed the door. It shut on Kirk's face. He stood there for what seemed to be forever and the turned away from the door. He slowly undressed, not bothering to hang up his uniform. He crawled in his bed and pulled the blankets up to his chin. In the darkness of his room he snuggled down into his bed and tears started to run down his cheeks. To the darkness he whispered,

"But Spock, I love you."   
  



	5. The Next Day

The next day everyone seemed to fuss over the captain wanting to know if he was okay and what happened the night before. Kirk gave vague answers and for the most part made it clear that he was in no mood to talk. He walked on to the bridge and saw Spock at his post. 

"Good Morning Captain. I trust you have recovered from last night? 

Kirk peered up at Spock and sighed. "Yes, Mr. Spock."

"Excellent Captain. I spoke to the senator last night and informed her that you had taken ill. She was quite concerned and wished you a speedy recovery. She also wished for me to tell you that the next time you are this way that you are to stop in and pay her a visit. Also Captain I spoke with some of the other Lextion senators and they will be contacting Starfleet Command about treaty talks. They wish to join the Federation, so it seems that our mission was a success." Kirk watched Spock's impassive face and saw nothing there that spoke of what happened between them.

"Excellent work Mr. Spock." Kirk looked away from his first officer and towards the view screen. 

"Thank you Captain. Captain if you grant me permission I would like to speak to you in private once our shift is over." 

"That will be fine Mr. Spock. Mr. Sulu report please." So the morning went. Nothing happened and at the end of the shift Kirk found Spock waiting for him by the turbolift. They rode down in silence and they exited on level five.

"Well Spock?" Kirk said, but Spock kept walking as if he had not heard his captain. Kirk started after him and they continued to walk. They stopped in front of the captain's quarters.

"After you, Captain." Kirk punched in the code and stepped in. Spock followed behind him. 

Kirk turned to face his first officer. "What did you want to discuss, Mr. Spock?"

"It's about last night, Captain." Kirk held his breath. When he awoke this morning every detail of his actions had burned into his memory as clear and bright as daylight.

"What about last night Mr. Spock?"

"About your behavior, Sir. It was most bizarre. I think that the combination of the alcohol you consumed and the fact you are suffering from exhaustion explains why you acted in the manner you did. So I took the liberty in contacting Starfleet Command." Kirk felt the blood drain from his face and chill passed over him.  This is it. My career, my life, everything gone, because of one stupid action.

“You didn’t need to contact Starfleet. Spock. We could have talked about this. We could have worked something out.” 

Like always Spock's face held no expression. "But I did, Captain. I'm sorry that I had to go over your head, but I knew that if I spoke with you first, nothing would be done to correct the problem. As it was Starfleet was reluctant to my request, but I finally convinced them that what I was asking for was the right thing for everyone." Kirk closed his eyes and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"So they granted us shore leave at our next stop. They listened to me and agreed that we needed more than just a couple of days rest, so they have approved a full four days of leave. I have already made arrangements with the Planet Aquis. It is a resort planet two days travel from here. 

“It is a lovely planet, with most of its surface being underwater but there a thousands of tiny island all over the planet. The islands are rented out to vacationers. Each contains one or two bungalows with private beaches for it guests." 

Kirk gawked at his first officer. "But Spock that sounds very expensive."

"Indeed Captain, it is but it is their off season and they give considerable discounts to members of Starfleet since they have been rescued by us so many times in their history. Plus they are willing to give the ship a group rate furthering lowering the cost, so for us it will be quite inexpensive." 

Spock stood awaiting his captain's response. Kirk sat down on his bed and rubbed at his face. He was flooded with relief that Spock did not report him to Starfleet. He looked up from his hands at Spock with one question on his mind. "Spock?"

"Yes Captain." 

Kirk stood back up and rubbing his palms on his pant legs. He licked his lips and started. "Spock, it sounds as if you took care of everything, so what did you need to talk to me about?" 

Spock tilted his head as if he did not understand. "I'm sorry Captain. I still needed to speak to you in order to get your approval for the leave."

"But you received approval from Starfleet Command. You did not need my approval."

"Oh, but I did. This is your ship and you are my Captain. I will always seek your approval." And for a moment there was something in Spock's tone that Kirk could not identify but it made his heart skip a beat never the less. 

He met Spock's eyes and for a split second that same wild look from the night before was back. Spock blinked and it was gone, but not before that look made Kirk's mouth run dry. He licked lips again and coughed. "So Mr. Spock what is our next step?"

"I have already given the coordinates to Mr. Sulu. He is waiting your order before plotting our course."

"I see." Kirk walked to his desk and switched on the terminal. "Captain Kirk to Mr. Sulu."

"Sulu here Captain." 

"Mr. Sulu I am given to understand that Mr. Spock has given you coordinates for a planet. I want you starting plotting our course. That is all." Mr. Sulu gave his reply then Kirk touched another button on the terminal.

"Attention everyone, this is your captain speaking. We have been granted a special shore leave to the Planet Aquis. We will arrive there in two days and we will be there for four days. That is all for now." Kirk moved away from his desk back toward Spock. The Vulcan stood arms behind his back. Kirk crossed his own arms over his chest.

"So Mr. Spock do you have it set up who will stay where?"

"Affirmative, Captain. Most of the crew will be quartered in groups of four or five." 

Kirk watched Spock face carefully. "So, who will I be grouped with?"

"You Captain?" Spock raised the one eyebrow and cut a sideways glance that if Kirk did not know better he would have mistaken for flirting. "You will be sharing quarters with me." 

Kirk raised his own eyebrow to match Spock's. "Who else?"

"There will be no one else, Captain. I said most of the crew would be grouped that way, but I felt that since you have been under so much stress lately that you needed more quiet time, so you will be staying with just me.”

Spock walked forward as he spoke stopping a just couple of feet in front of the captain. “I picked the bungalow myself and I think you find it most... pleasing." There it was again that tone that made Kirk's pulse quicken. He closed his eyes and fought off the shiver of pleasure that was threatening to take him. He opened his eyes to see Spock looking right at him with an almost bemused expression. He grinned widely at his first officer.

"You know Spock. I think you will be right about that."


	6. The Beach

Captain's log:

Star date: 3153.5

All off duty personnel will be beamed down to the plant Aquis for a spontaneously planned shore leave. Dr. McCoy, Scotty, Mr. Spock and I will be some of the ones that will be on the planet's surface for the full four days unless there is an emergency. This whole shore leave is for my benefit, since it has been reported that my behavior has been unsettling. It is believed by all that I am overworked and stressed.

That was a day ago. Kirk sat on the edge of the beach watching the water lap over his feet as he dug his toes into the sand. The sun was hot against the naked flesh of his back and he could feel the sand creeping into his red trunks. Of course he had lost track of the time sitting there, but it had been at least two hours since Dr. McCoy had started fussing at everyone to reapply their sunscreen.

At the sound of footsteps, Kirk looked up into the placid face of Mr. Spock. Even on a beach that bordered perfect crystal blue waters, the Vulcan seemed to maintain his stoic appearance and conservative dress. The long-sleeved white button up shirt he wore moved with the breeze and the wide brim hat he had on blocked the sun so that Kirk could see Spock's face clearly in the shade. "Are you enjoying yourself, Captain?" 

Kirk smiled at the use his formal title. "Yes Spock. I do believe I am. Care to join me?" Kirk patted the sand beside him. 

"I believe I will, Captain." Spock settled down beside Kirk on the sandy beach so close that their shoulders touched. Kirk licked his lips and tried to look casual. He did not want it to show that the mere touch of Spock's shoulder on his had sent his heart racing. His thoughts went back to four nights ago, to the ball held on the Planet Lextis. In a garden, drunk on too much punch he had poured his heart out to Spock and kissed him.

Spock had reacted the way Kirk always knew he would. After recoiling from his advances, Spock had taken charge of the situation and dragged Kirk back to the ship. He placed Kirk in his quarters and then the next day asked if he was feeling better after getting some rest.

But then there was the talk. Spock had requested to speak with the Kirk alone. In the Kirk’s quarters, Spock had told him that he spoke with Starfleet Command and requested shore leave. He had been told it was approved, the location picked and the course plotted. All that was needed was his command. 

He did not understand why Spock still sought his permission. He was given the impression that Starfleet was telling them they had to go since it was approved. Spock had planned everything. All Spock had to do was tell him they were going.

But that wasn't the case. What had Spock said?  "This is your ship and you are my captain. I will always seek your approval." And then there was that look in Spock's eyes. It seemed to be feral, making the normal warm brandy color of Spock's eyes look so dark that they were almost black. That was the same look Spock had after he had broken away from Kirk's embrace the night before.

That night Kirk thought that it had been a look of disgust and horror, maybe even anger, but later there in his quarters that look took on a new meaning. There the look screamed volumes at Kirk and made his blood boil. He wanted Spock to look at him like that again, but since that day he had not. He was just plan Spock, serious, stoic, dispassionate, and cool. Perhaps that was all there was to Spock. He was after all a Vulcan.

"A penny for your thoughts, Captain?" Kirk's head jerked as he was startled out of his thoughts. He looked over at Spock, who had taken up the same sitting position as Kirk, his feet flat on the beach; knees up to his chest, resting his chin on the tops of his knees. He had even wrapped his arms around his legs so that his hands gripped his shins.

Kirk smirked at his friend. "Do you have a penny, Spock?" 

Spock frowned thoughtfully. "I am afraid I do not, Captain."

"Then no thoughts for you." With that Kirk let go his leg with the hand closest to Spock and pointed at this first officer with his index finger. Spock responded by saying nothing, but he did raise an eyebrow. Kirk grinned at Spock's expression. He nudged Spock with his shoulder and laughed. "You make it too easy Spock." 

"I make what too easy?" As Kirk was about to reply Dr. McCoy plopped down on the other side of Kirk reeking of sunscreen, mint and alcohol. He was wearing a white t-shirt and blue swim trunks, holding a drink in his hand. Kirk watched McCoy lean over to him. With a look that conveyed a seriousness that should have been reserved for conversations about cancer .

"Have you reapplied your sunscreen, Jim?" 

Kirk leaned away slightly and with care replied. "Not yet Bones, but I was just getting to it." McCoy took a sip of his drink and leaned in a little more.

"Well, see that you do. I’m wearing mine, see?" At this the doctor pointed to his nose which was white with zinc oxide.

"The good doctor is right, Captain. It is very important to reapply one's sunscreen every two hours. I have just recently reapplied mine and you should start reapplying yours as well." 

There was no hint of mocking in Spock voice as he spoke and the tone made Kirk grimace a bit. "Very well put Mr. Spock." McCoy raised his drink in Spock's direction, then took a sip and turned back to where other crew members were playing on the beach.

"See," He shouted, his normal repressed southern twang coming to the surface, "Mr. Spock reapplied his sunscreen." McCoy turned back to Kirk and Spock then back to the others.

"He’s even wearing a hat and long sleeves." 

As Dr. McCoy shouted Kirk laughed at his friend. He moved back closer to the doctor and tapped McCoy on the shoulder. "Don't forget the long pants, Bones."

"Yeah and long pants too." McCoy seemed to stop at this and looked back at Spock. He squinted at Spock, his expression one of bewilderment. "Why are you wearing pants on a beach, Spock?"

With that question Kirk, who was still laughing at this friend, fell backwards on to the sand and continued to giggle, gasping for air. Spock cocked an eyebrow looking down at Kirk with concern then back to the doctor with only slight hint of annoyance. McCoy never took his glassy eyes off Spock but he did raise his cup to lips and took another sip.

"The pants I am wearing doctor are linen and are quite comfortable." Spock looked back down at Kirk who was finally managing to catch his breath. McCoy snorted and leaned back propping himself on his elbows.

"Well, the point I am making," He cut his eyes are Spock," is none of you want to end up like poor Scotty." 

Kirk sat up wiping the tears from his eyes. "Why? What happened to Scotty?"

"Only that he has one of the nastiest looking sunburns I have seen in a while. He and Lieutenant  Uhura were out earlier today building sandcastles and now he looks like a boiled lobster. Uhura had to help him back to his hut and put on aloe on his skin."

"When was this, Bones?" Kirk's voice had taken a more serious tone.

McCoy shrugged and took another sip of his drink. "Oh, I'd say couple of hours ago." 

Kirk nudged Spock's shoulder. "Perhaps we should stop by and check on him?" 

McCoy shook his head. "I wouldn't do that, Jim." 

Kirk looked surprised at McCoy and looked back at Spock who also seemed perplexed at what McCoy was saying. "What do you mean Bones?"

"Well, I'm not one to talk but note." McCoy rolled on to his side facing the captain and Spock. "This is the island Uhura has been assigned too, right? This is where she is staying with Yeoman Rand, Nurse Chapel, and Dr. Noel, right?" 

Spock replied. "That is correct doctor. I assigned her here myself several days ago.”

"Well, we were all invited over here this morning by the girls to play and have fun. So, this is where everyone is right now with the exception of Mr. Scott who Uhura had to help back to the hut he is sharing with me, Sulu and Chekov."

"What point are you making here, Bones?" Kirk tried to hide his irritation towards McCoy's roundabout storytelling, but a faint trace of it managed to creep into his voice. If McCoy heard it, he gave no sign and kept chatting way.

"Just that no one has seen Uhura since she left with Scotty." McCoy as spoke a leer crossed his face and he rolled back on the beach so that he faced the sky. He started to smile as he waited for Kirk to catch up. 

The captain’s brow knitted together for a moment then went up in surprise as what Dr. McCoy had said dawned on him. His eyes opened wide and his mouth formed an "O". Mr. Spock's expression seemed to convey one word, " well…" Kirk cleared his throat. "Well… In that case we should let them be."

"Indeed, though that kind of behavior would do nothing for Mr. Scott's condition." 

Kirk shook his head at the Vulcan. "Spock, I don't think Scotty cares about that right now." 

McCoy sat up and finished off his drink. "I just hope they get out of their system before tonight." 

"What is happening tonight, Bones?" 

McCoy’s face lit up making it look even more flushed. "That is why I came over here, Jim. Tonight we will be hosting a barbecue at our hut and I was going to tell you two to be there." 

Kirk gave his friend a smile. "Sounds like fun, Bones. What time?"

"Around nineteen hundred hours is when the food will be served. Come early if you want because we will be setting up games of horseshoes and beach volleyball and you name it." McCoy stood up, stretched and almost fell over. Kirk and Spock stood as well, Kirk steadying McCoy. He held McCoy with both hands making sure his inebriated friend didn't fall over.

"We will be there, Bones. Won't we Spock?" Kirk looked back at Spock. 

Spock nodded his head. "Indeed Captain. It should be most amusing." Kirk clapped McCoy on the shoulder and let him go. McCoy grinned and then stumbled little before regaining his balance.

"Excellent. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go lay down for a bit."

Kirk and Spock watched as McCoy shuffled off down the beach. They turned to look at each other and Kirk laughed while Spock stood to attention, his arms clasped behind his back. "I say no more mint juleps for him, wouldn't you agree, Spock?"

"Indeed, Captain and on that note we should be heading back to our hut. It is fourteen hundred at the present time and it has been while since breakfast."

"You are right, Spock. What's for lunch?"

"I bought items so that we may have turkey and avocado sandwiches, Captain. I, of course, will just be having the avocado on mine"

"Will there be bacon on mine?" There was a slight pleading to Kirk’s voice. After some sometime Spock answered.

"There may be some bacon." 

Kirk looked hard into Spock's face and then sighed. "Spock, don't tease me. Come on. Let's get back to the hut. We'll have lunch and rest up for tonight." 

As they spoke the two moved down the beach to where they had left their row boat tied to a small spike in the sand. Kirk untied to boat and tossed the rope into the boat while Spock held it. They both got in and Kirk took to the oars. Spock sat and sedately watched Kirk row as they made their way back to their hut.


	7. The Bungalow

Lunch was indeed a turkey and avocado sandwich.  Sans bacon Kirk noted.  But the sandwich was delicious never the less and he ate it with glee, bobbing his head side to side as he chewed.  Peering over his plate across the table Kirk smiled as he watched Spock eat his lunch.  The Vulcan carefully cut every bite into tiny pieces.  With precision he placed the food into his mouth and then chewed carefully.  Spock soon stopped eating when he noticed Kirk was watching him.

“Is there something wrong, Captain?”  Spock asked as he gently set down his knife and fork, folding his hands into his lap. Kirk quickly swallowed the bite he had his mouth and answered.

“Uh, there is no bacon on my sandwich?”  Kirk joked, holding up the remains of the sandwich for inspection.  Spock glanced at it and then back to Kirk.

“Indeed Captain, there is no bacon on your sandwich. I’m sorry.  I know that you had your heart set on it but the good doctor did ask me to help you watch what you eat while on shore leave.  Before we left the ship he vouchsafed to me that your blood pressure was a little too high for his liking.”

Kirk set down the rest of his sandwich on his plate and leaned back into his chair.  He made a scoffing sound and with a smirk replied. “Was this before or after the mint juleps, Spock?”

Spock gave no reply but instead sat for a moment tilting his head ever so slightly to one side.  Then he pushed out his chair, stood up from the table, reached over and took the plate away from in front of Kirk.  Picking up his own plate Spock made his way into the kitchen.

Kirk watched Spock go, confusion washing over his features.  He too stood up and followed the Vulcan.  Spock stood at the sink washing up their plates from their meal. Kirk watched for a minute then walked up to his friend.  He gave a chuckle. “You know Spock; if Bones finds out about you going soft on him like this he will never let you live it down.”

Spock finished rinsing the dish in his hands and set it on the plush mat beside the sink to dry.  With no comment he started washing the other plate.  Then finishing up and turning off the water, Spock turned to face Kirk. Drying his hands with a hand towel he finally responded.

“Captain I assure you it is not my goal to go soft on Dr. McCoy as you suggest, but to refrain from making a remark that would embarrass you.  I seem to recall not too many nights ago you having drunk too much “punch” at a diplomatic function and I had to step in to make sure you did not do or say anything that would jeopardize why we were there.”

Spock folded the hand towel and hung it on the edge of the sink.  Kirk stood completely still, his eyes not blinking.  Though his tone never changed, Spock’s words had hit Kirk as hard as a fist and he felt his face reddened.

“Well,” Kirk breathed out, “That certainly shut me up.”  He rolled one of his shoulders and turned away from Spock.  “Please excuse me.  I think I will take a shower and lie down for bit.” Kirk promptly walked out of the kitchen making his way to his room.  He took a deep breath as he strode briskly becoming all too aware of the tears forming in his eyes.  Reaching the door to his room he pushed it open and slammed it behind him.

Kirk wiped at his eyes, brushing away the tears, his face burning with humiliation.  Taking another deep breath he attempted to calm down.   He went in to the dresser and fumbled around pulling out a change of clothes.  There were no sounds in the hut, so it surprised him greatly when he turned around to see Spock standing in the door way.  Kirk jumped and swore.

“Damn it Spock.  I ought to put a bell on you.”  Kirk gripped the clothes in his arms and endeavored to look unshaken.  From where Spock stood, observing the captain’s flushed face, reddened eyes, tear streaked cheeks and clinched jaw, Kirk was failing miserably.  Spock gracefully stepped into the room, shutting the door behind him. Placing his arms behind his back he addressed Kirk.

“May I have a word with you, Captain?” Kirk glowered. “If you insist, but make it quick. I was heading to the shower.”

Spock nodded his head and stepped forward.  Gently he took the clothes from the captain’s hands and led Kirk to the bed.  He nudged Kirk to sit down.  The bed was a large four poster and Spock leaned on one of the posts facing where Kirk sat.  Resting his cheek on the post, he gazed at his friend for a long time.

Kirk started to feel uncomfortable under the Vulcan’s stare.  He looked down at his hands and fidgeted. He looked up again when Spock started to speak.

“Captain, I am afraid that I have spoken out of turn just now. It seems that the very thing I did not want to happen took place anyways.  I have come to ask your forgiveness.”

“Yeah well… You’re forgiven.  Now if that was all you wanted…” Kirk started to rise but Spock moved too fast, placing a hand on Kirk’s chest and pushing him back on to the bed.  Never removing his hand from the captain’s chest, Spock too sat down.  He looked at his hand placed there on Kirk’s chest as if it was the first time he had ever seen it.   Kirk slowly placed one of his hands on top of Spock’s, bewilderment filling his features.

As soon as Kirk’s hand touched his, Spock jerked back as if burned.  For a moment the first officer looked like something feral trapped in a cage.  Kirk, forgetting his own hurt, reached out to his friend.  He gripped Spock’s shoulder and shook him gently.

“Spock! What is the matter?”  The sound of Kirk voice seemed to bring Spock back to his senses. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  His posture changed and Kirk could feel some of the tension ease from Spock’s shoulders.  Spock opened his eyes and fixed them on to Kirk’s.

“No Captain that was not all I wanted. You see I have a confession to make.”


	8. The Mistake

Kirk lowered both his hands to his lap and sat patiently.  Spock tore his eyes away from his captain. Fist clenched his breathing deep and controlled, he stared off into nothing. His body shook with a small tremor.  

Kirk watched Spock’s hands, tight fisted and white knuckled. He bit his lip wanting to reach out to his first officer so badly, but dared not to touch him.  Then Spock turned his eyes back Kirk.  “Jim…” He whispered. One fist unclenched and carefully it reached out and placed itself on Kirk’s leg. 

Kirk shivered at Spock’s touch and his face reddened at this obvious sign of pleasure.   He ran a hand through his hair embarrassed.  Spock seemed to relax a little. “So, it wasn’t just the alcohol…” 

Kirk met Spock’s eyes full on. “What?”

“That night at the ball in the gardens, I had assumed that it was just the alcohol.”  

Kirk’s heart pounded in his chest to the point that it hurt. He placed his hand over Spock’s. “Is that what you thought? No Spock, what I said was real. It was the punch that made me able to say it, but it was all real.”

Spock looked thoughtful. “I see.” Kirk swallowed hard and then gripping Spock’s hand in both his he scooted closer to his friend. 

“Spock let me say this while sober. For so many months I have been thinking about you non-stop. I adore you completely. My odd behavior has been because of my feelings for you. I was in agony, because I wanted to tell you, but how could I? You’re…you.  A marvelous creature of perfection and I’m some chaotic space cowboy rogue. You deserve the universe laid before you on a silver tray. I’m not fit to lick meteor dust off your boots.”

Spock’s eye widened a margin as he listened. He placed his other hand over Kirk’s lips softly to silence the babbling captain. “Jim… If this how you truly feel then I must continue with my own confession. You see I seem to have developed…feelings for you as well.” Spock stopped, his eyes darting around the room. This admission was taking its toll on him, but he knew that it must be said.  He took a deep breath. He seemed to be steadying himself to say more.

Kirk moved closer to Spock so that their legs touched. Spock noticed this and a faint green flush fill his cheeks. Seeing the Vulcan blush set off a trigger in the captain’s body.  Suddenly Kirk’s breathing came out short and ragged. His pulse beat in his ears fiercely and there was a stirring between his legs.  He shut his eyes and inhaled through his nose taking in Spock’s scent.  The smell triggered something in his libido and all the blood rushed away from his brain. The captain’s hazel eyes popped open filled with lust and he moved.

Spock was caught off guard completely. In one quick movement Kirk had push him down and straddle him. Kirk’s hand began tearing at the white button down, the buttons coming off and the fabricate ripping in his grip.  With Spock exposed Kirk ran his hands over the green tinted chest digging his fingers into the dark hair there.  He ground himself into Spock’s groin, shivering with desire. Spock once again was frozen in shock, distressed by his captain’s actions.  He heard Kirk speaking though it seemed far away. 

“Oh Spock, I have wanted this now for so long time.”  He ground down once more on the Vulcan and moaned.  He whipped his head down and planted his lips on Spock’s mouth. He reached up and ran his fingers through the sleek black hair, back down the sides of Spock’s face. The hands moved lower and lower finding the metal clasp of the linen pants. As he struggled to undo the clasp, Kirk lifted his mouth from Spock’s and whispered. “Spock this will be perfect, I promise.”

It was here that Spock threw off his shock and his captain. It seemed that for a brief moment in time Kirk flew, but in reality he fell hard and landed on the hardwood floor of his bedroom. Landing flat on his back, his breath was forced from his lungs. There was an audible crack as he hit his head, filling his vision with white nothingness. 

When his vision cleared Kirk looked up to see Spock standing over him somehow managing to appear both concerned and hurt.  He had wrapped the remains of his shirt around himself, crossing his arms over his body in a protective way. Kirk sat up slowly, gingerly touching the back of his head. Spock stepped back frowning. “You know Spock; a simple “no” would have sufficed.” 

Spock glared down. “Would you have heeded?” 

It was Kirk’s turn to look hurt. His hand lowered to the floor and stared at his first officer.  His mouth hung open as he sat there stupefied.  “Spock, do you think that I would have…? Oh God.” Horror stuck Kirk as he stood. 

Spock step back another foot.  He railed under Kirk’s stare.  “Well Captain, you were quite lost in the throes of your lust. I simply concluded that you would have not heard me, or maybe even ignored my protests.”

“Is that what you thought?” The horror had been washed away by rage. He jabbed finger at Spock. “I will say one thing. I maybe a lot of things Mr. Spock, but I am not a rapist and how dare you even…”  

Kirk shook his head and balled up his fists.  He wanted to finish but he was at a loss for words, which suited Spock just fine. He turned back towards the door and then looking over his shoulders at the captain he said. “It seems that I have made a mistake.”

“A Mistake? Which part? How you feel or that you feel it for me? Do I not fit in your little logical box, Spock? You computerized tease! You send me missed signals.  You make me think you have reported me to Starfleet, and then you bring me down here to keep me to yourself for shore leave.  You have flirted with me off and on and then today you insult me. Then you come into my room and start confessing feelings for me and let me pour my heart to you a second time…And yes, I shouldn’t have just pounced you, I was wrong, I was not thinking right. But know this Spock, I would not hurt you for anything, but now you tell me you made a mistake.  Me… I’m your mistake, your feelings for me…a mistake. Well don’t let me keep you. Go back your room and meditate till you’ve purged yourself of your MISTAKE!” 

By the time Kirk finished he was shouting and his face was bright red with anger. He didn’t need to shout though. His words cut into Spock like a knife and he had winced every time his captain had said “mistake.”

“Jim…” Spock started, turning back around but Kirk held up a hand to stop him. 

“That is Captain, thank you very much Commander. I think you need to leave now and that is an order.” 

Spock nodded. “Yes, Captain.” Then he was gone. Kirk stared at the spot where Spock stood then gathering up the clothes that Spock took out of his hands earlier; he went into the adjoining bathroom and started the shower.  He turned the water up as hot as he could stand it and stood under the stream shaking.

After a while his resolve broke and he wrapped his arms around his frame. He went to his knees the water running over him, sobs wracking his body.  How am I going to fix this ?

He stayed there long after the water turned cold, trying to stop crying. Finally his tears dried up and he crawled out of the shower. He toweled off and slumped back into the bedroom. He did not bother getting dressed. He just climbed into his bed and waited for the sun to go down.   
  



	9. The Apology

Night couldn’t have come soon enough for Captain Kirk as he lay on in his bed, his pillow dripping with tears. In semi-darkness of the room he stared off into nothing, replaying the events from earlier.  As each moment flashed before his eyes, he winced and felt fresh tears form.

_“It seems that I have made a mistake.”_

_“You computerized tease!”_

_“...your feelings for me…a mistake.”_

_“Jim…”_

_“That is Captain...”_

“Spock...” He whispered into his pillow, wiping his tears anew on the cloth casing. How was he going to fix this? In another couple of days the leave would be over and he would have to go back to working relationship with his first officer. That is if Spock stayed on the Enterprise. Kirk could see Spock logically deciding that it would be better to transfer to another ship.  

“Damnit!” He growled and hit the bed with his fist. He sat up, wiping his face with his hand. He had to do something, but what? After what happened he couldn’t just walk up to Spock and say he was sorry ... could he?

He shivered in the cool night air. He suddenly remembered that he had never dressed after his shower. He got up off the bed and in the dark he located a pair of lounge pants. That was better, not as cold. He started look for a shirt too when he heard music. It was faint but melodious and haunting. He knew what it was immediately. It was Spock’s lute. So Spock was still up...

Standing in the darkness, listening to the soothing sounds of the Vulcan lute, Kirk made a decision.  Quietly he padded out of his room through the bungalow, past the dining area and kitchen to where Spock’s room was.  

He approached the door and stopped chewing his lower lip. He hesitated knowing that this could end just as badly as it did earlier, but he had to do something. He raised his fist to gently rap on the door. He heard the music stop and there was pause. Then he heard Spock’s voice, hoarser than normal. “Come in.”

Steadying himself with a deep breath, Kirk opened the door and stepped in the room. There was little difference to this room from the one Kirk slept in save that the four poster bed that Spock slept in had beautiful gauzy drapes.    Kirk watched for a moment as they bellowed in the night air coming through the open French doors. At the head of the bed sitting up on a pile of plush pillows was Kirk’s first officer.

Even though there was not one light lit in the room, the room was nowhere near as dark as Kirk’s. The moon shone right into the open doors and on Spock. Kirk could see him so clearly. He wore a tight black under shirt and flannel pajama pants, holding his lute. Spock observed his captain with one eyebrow arched tilting his head, his face more carefully guarded than usual.

“Was there something I could do for you, Captain?” Spock’s question tore Kirk’s attention away from staring blindly at the Vulcan bathed in the moonlight.   

Kirk blinked and swallowed hard. Well, here goes nothing.

“I was having trouble sleeping so I went out to the kitchen to get a cup of the herbal tea you packed. When I heard your lute I came by to ask if you wanted a cup too.”  He tried smiling, but he faltered when Spock raised the other brow and tilted his head the opposite way.

For a long a time there was silence then Spock spoke. “How considerate of you, Captain. Now why are you really here?”

Kirk sucked air through his teeth. Spock saw right through him. Well no turning back now. Let’s go for complete honesty.

“Observant as ever, Mr. Spock. No, I did not come to ask you if you wanted a cup of tea. Hell, I didn’t come out to get me a cup of tea. I heard your lute while lying in my room and I wanted to talk.” He moved closer to the bed and fingered the sheer drapes. Spock just watched him.

“Do you think that to be wise?”  Spock caught Kirk’s eye and held it.

Kirk lifted his chin. “Actually I do. There is something else I need to say.” He moved around the end of the bed and walked up the side to where Spock sat.  He gripped his left arm and looked down then back to Spock.  His eyes shining he spoke, “I’m sorry. I was completely out of line this afternoon, with what I did and what I said. I wanted nothing more in the world then to show you how much I loved you and I end up acting like a complete ass. I need to beg your forgiveness.  I will do anything to have it. I will give you anything; just say the word Spock and it’s yours.”

Kirk stood there waiting. Spock, his face blank, turned his head away and his eyes unfocused. Kirk was suddenly aware of how bad of an idea this was. He crossed his arms over his chest and shifted his weight. He angled his body to try and look at Spock’s face, but the Vulcan had turned in such a way that all Kirk could see was the delicate curve of his ear.

The captain dropped his arms and sighed. He turned and started towards the door. As he reached the end of the bed he heard a whisper, “Jim...”

Slowly Kirk turned back to see Spock sitting up straighter in the bed his eyes shining in the pale light of the moon.  The look on the Vulcan’s face made Kirk’s heart break so much that he was compelled to leap onto the bed crawling towards his first officer.

He took the lute out of Spock’s unresisting hands, laying it on the neighboring nightstand.  Kirk wrapped his arms around the lithe form cradling Spock’s head on his shoulder. He nuzzled the slick black hair and made soothing sounds.  He thought that he heard a soft sound like a strangled sob.  He held Spock even tighter and closing his eyes, he started rocking their bodies back and forth.


	10. The Truth

Suddenly Spock pushed Kirk away, not hard but with enough force that Kirk got the point and let go of his friend.  He sat back on his ankles and watched as Spock composed himself.  As quickly as they had come, all signs of emotion were gone from Spock’s face.

“Spock, are you all right?” Kirk reached out and touched Spock’s shoulder. He expected the Vulcan to slap the hand way and move but he did not.  

Spock looked at Kirk's’ hand and answered.  “Yes Captain. I am quite well.” As he spoke Spock keep his eyes averted. 

A thought occurred to Kirk and he took a chance.  “Liar.” He said. There was no malice in the word, just a statement of fact, but it had the desired effect. Spock’s head whipped around to face Kirk full on.

“I beg your pardon.” Spock lips pursed together and it was obvious that the Vulcan’s non-existent ego had been bruised.  Kirk smirked and moved closer. He pushed right into Spock, pressing the other man in the bed’s head board.  

“You heard me.” The smirk turned to a warm smile.  “That ‘I am a Vulcan and I have no emotions’ yatta works on everyone else, but not with me. I have been around you too long. I know you better than you think I do.” Then remembering earlier that day added, “Sometimes...”

Spock’s face glared back at Kirk but he made no attempt to move away. Kirk studied Spock’s eyes.  First they were hard but then they soften and Kirk saw the resignation in them. 

“Indeed Jim... You seem to be one of few that know the truth about my people. Vulcan’s do have emotions, ones that are more profound and violent than any other race in the universe.”

“Still waters run deep, eh Spock?”  

Spock nodded. “Affirmative. Quite turbulent waters they can become if one is not careful. Hence the need for control, but I am ashamed to admit that my control has been lacking as of late.”  Spock looked down and away from Kirk.  Not wanting to let his friend off that easy Kirk placed a hand gently under Spock’s chin and lifted his face back up.

 

Spock’s eyes met Kirk’s, his captain giving him a soft smile. “Talk to me Spock. Just tell me what is on your mind.  I can guarantee that it is not as shameful as you think it is.” 

Spock made little snorting sound as he gave Kirk an annoyed look. “Maybe not for a human, but for a Vulcan...”  

Kirk sat back on his heels again and crossed his arms. “Well you tell me and we can assess at that time how shameful it is for a Vulcan, who happens to be half human.”

Spock sighed as Kirk gave him a full grin and air of determination.  “Very well, Captain. Let me start with what I said earlier. It is true that I have developed feelings for you. I believe I may even be in love with you and have been for some time now. I have prided myself on not letting this fact known. I had no intentions of telling you or giving any indications of such.”

Kirk frowned at Spock.  “So why tell me now?”  

It was Spock’s turn to cross his arms over his chest and with an air of annoyance, he retorted.  “I was getting to that. Please allow me to finish.” Spock waited till Kirk muttered out an apology and continued.  “I had tucked my feelings way and they had stayed in place till the night of the ball when you told me how you felt and then kissed me.  Those actions cracked my will. I panicked. I wanted to return your affection right then, but I held fast to my control. That is when I pulled away and took you back to the ship.”

Kirk broke in at this point. “I thought that I had offended you. That you were disgusted with me.” 

Spock nodded. “It had dawned on me later that was what you would think and I want to say that I’m regretful that you thought that for even a moment, but I was frightened by my own lust for you. But as the night wore on a thought came to me. If I could just maybe tell you how I felt, just us alone, we could work it out logically and it would no longer plague us. 

“So I went and demanded an audience with Starfleet command. Without making them question your ability to be captain, I requested shore leave for you benefit.  I knew Aquis was in our area so I convince them that this would be the best location to have the leave. Once it was agreed upon, I made the preparations; picking out everyone’s living arrangements and finding the best place for us to stay.”

 

“You know Spock, if you wanted to get me alone, you didn’t need to go through all this trouble. You could have just asked.  We could have bunked up in my quarters with some Saurian brandy and a box of chocolates...”  Kirk winked and gave a laugh.  

Spock shot him a very exasperated look. “Captain, what you seem to have in mind is not what I intended.”  

Kirk cleared his throat. “But of course. Please continue.”

“I found that my idea was not as easy to execute as I had planned. I could not bring myself to say what I wanted and it frustrated me and for this reason I lashed out at you earlier today after we had partaken of our lunch.  As soon as I spoke, I knew that I had spoken out of turn and what made matters worse, I had hurt you. I decide then I would follow you to your room and tell you everything.  I started my declaration of my feelings but you then took it upon yourself to engage with me physically.”

Kirk winced. “I’m very sorry about that, Spock. I really should stop listening to my penis in these matters.” 

Spock’s mouth twitched up for a fraction and his eyes sparkled in the light of the moon. “Perhaps but It would be hypocritical of me not to say that on some level I welcomed your advances. When you mounted me, I was faced with my desires again and could not accept them. So frightened and panicked, I threw you off and then hid behind the pretense that I was defending myself.  It was not one of my prouder moments, but I did not have to deal with what I really felt and at the time that was what was important to me.”

Spock sighed and leaned towards his captain.  He touched Kirk’s arm lightly. “In all honesty Captain it is I that owe you an apology. You claim I am a creature of perfection and that the universe should be given to me on a silver tray, but as you see I am far from perfect when I let myself be controlled not by logic but by a fear that I am not behaving in a logical manner. 

“As for giving me the universe, Jim you are my universe. Without you in my life I would have nothing.  You are the sun in my world. You give me light, meaning and purpose.  In the time I have known you I have found what I have truly lacked, a companion that accepts me completely.  I sometimes think what my life would have been like if I had chosen another path and I shudder, because in that other life I would have never met you and I would still be in darkness with nothing to show for it, but the knowledge that I was a good Vulcan.”


	11. The Dark Pools

Kirk stared at his first officer dumbfounded.  Then grinning he took Spock by the shoulders. “Is this true Spock? Is this how you really feel?” 

The Vulcan gave a nod. “Indeed it is Captain. I’m remorseful to have made you think any differently. Of course now I see that there is no real logical way to handle this, but having told you the truth I believe that I would be amenable towards having a relationship with you.”

“Oh Spock, if that is what you want then I would be honored and I will say this, that we will take this as slow as needed for you to be comfortable. Whatever it takes to make this work I’m willing to do it.” 

Spock turned his head to one side obviously in thought as he eyed Kirk. “You are being sincere?” Kirk’s grin widened and he squeezed Spock’s lean arms.

“Of course I am, Spock. You are not just a fling I picked up on some planet that I will never see again. You are going to be my partner in life and I want this to work. I want you to be happy and never doubt this decision for a minute.” Here Kirk paused. He licked his lips and said. “I ask for one concession at this time though.”  Kirk leaned in and with a twinkle in his hazel eyes he whispered. “May I have a kiss?”

Spock’s breath caught in his throat and he blushed. Nodding slowly he closed his eyes.  He lifted his face towards Kirk’s and waited. When nothing happened, disappointed he opened his eyes to see Kirk sitting in front of him with the first two fingers of his right hand extended towards his love. Spock blinked several times looking at the two fingers in surprise and then slowly he place the first two fingers of his own hand to them. He looked up to Kirk’s face, seeing the lopsided grin and pure love radiating from him.

“Your captain is full of surprises, eh Spock?” 

“Indeed Jim.”  Two stayed like that for some time not saying anything else. Spock was the first the break the silence. “Jim?” 

“Hmm.” 

“You said that we would go as fast as I wanted in this relationship, correct?”

 

“Yes, Spock. However fast you want to go, we will take that pace.  I don’t want to run the risk of scaring you off.” 

As Kirk spoke he noticed that Spock had moved his two fingers so that they no longer rested on his own but had started to caress them, first moving down the back of his hand then back up, moving down the other side stroking his palm.  The feeling of the Vulcan’s fingers caressing his hand excited him and he fought to control his breathing.  He closed his eyes and tried to think of anything else but sex. 

The sound of Spock’s voice broke his concentration though.  “Jim...” It was lower than normal and sounded like something akin to purr or a soft growl.

Kirk opened his eyes to see Spock’s gaze fixed on him. His pupils had dilated making them look black in the moonlight.  They bore into Kirk, their expression wild, fierce and hungry.  It was that same look as before and Kirk’s heart leapt in his chest. He saw that Spock’s face and neck was flushed green, his lips parted and his breathing coming fast. Kirk body reacted, his eyes growing wide and he felt his tongue run across his lips.  Spock made a low throaty sound and he pounced, pinning Kirk under him.

Kirk groaned as he felt Spock’s hardness press into him. Spock’s hand moved up Kirk’s side as his face nuzzled his neck.  Kirk wrapped his arms around the Vulcan as he felt Spock’s mouth on his neck placing kisses down it, stopping at the shoulder to nip at it. He smiled as a tiny gasp escaped his lips.  

Spock moved to Kirk’s face running his mouth over the jaw line until Spock reached Kirk’s mouth. He kissed Kirk hard, parting his lips and slipping in his tongue. Kirk welcomed the kiss and sucked his first officer’s tongue greedily, eliciting a low moan from Spock.

Kirk pulled back suddenly. Breathing heavily, looking up into Spock’s eyes, he asked.  “Spock, are you sure about this?” 

Spock paused for a moment and then leaned into Kirk to whisper. “Yes. I know now that you truly care about me and I will not, as you humans say, become a notch in your belt. Knowing this I am ready to give myself to you fully as I have wanted to do for quite some time.”

Kirk stroked Spock’s face. “Spock, I love you.” 

Spock made another husky growl, “and I you Jim. Now I do believe that earlier today in your advances you had given your word that love making with you would be perfection. I hope you can live up to your promise.”  

Kirk laughed. “You know I can.”   Kirk then drove into the dark pools of hunger that were Spock’s eyes and did not worry about coming back up for air.


	12. The Morning After

On the planet Aquis the sun rose on another perfect day. There were white sandy beaches  being gently caressed by clear blue waters while birds of paradise sang their mating calls and Captain Kirk awoke to the smell of sea air and luscious aches in his body that were a direct result of phenomenal sex.   He stretched; rolling over in the bed he found the space next to him empty. 

He sat up looking around. “Spock?” There was a sound of footsteps and in the doorway stood the most stunning thing Kirk had ever seen. It was Spock, his black hair still a mess from sex and sleep, leaning on the door jam. He had put back on his black shirt and flannel pants from the night before.

“You are awake then? Good I was actually coming to get you for breakfast.” Spock placed his arms behind his back.  Kirk jumped out of the bed and threw his arms around Spock’s neck planting his lips on the Vulcan’s. 

After a minute he pulled back.  “Good morning beautiful.”  He kissed Spock again softly and smiled.

“Good morning indeed. I trust that you slept well then?”  Spock placed his arms around Kirk’s naked frame and nestled his face in his neck. 

Kirk chuckled. “Who was worried about sleep?” He felt rather than heard Spock’s replied laughter.  Spock lifted his head and looked Kirk over with an appreciating glance.  

Kirk stepped back from Spock to give him a better view.  “Like what you see, Spock?”

“Affirmative, but it would seem that I was little too rough with you last night.” Kirk looked down at himself to see what Spock was referring to and noticed that his body, from his neck down to his thighs, was covered in bite marks and bruises.   

Kirk giggled and placed himself back in Spock’s waiting arms.  “Don’t I make a pretty picture? You better careful Spock or people will start to think you are abusing your poor captain.”

Spock snorted. “Poor Captain indeed. I wouldn’t worry too much about it Jim. You gave as much as you received.” Spock lifted up his shirt and Kirk saw on the parts of Spock’s chest that were not covered in soft dark hair, were marred by teeth marks and scratches.  

Kirk giggled again. “I’m sorry Spock.”  

Spock arched his brow and pursed his lips. “Why are you sorry, Jim? I’m not. Come now breakfast is waiting.” He quickly kissed Kirk and slipped away before the man could react.

Kirk dressed in his pants from the night before and bounded into the dining room. There waiting for him was scrambled eggs, butter toast with jam, bacon, a pot of coffee and a carafe of orange juice.  Spock sat at the table demurely with a bowl of fruit and oatmeal.  “I figure you would be hungry this morning after last evening.”  He said. Kirk sat the table next to Spock and beamed.

“Spock I love you.” He said taking up his fork. 

Spock gave his captain an amused expression. “I know Jim. You told me several times last night.” 

Kirk popped a bite of egg into his mouth and chewed happily.  He swallowed and leaned over to Spock. “Well I’m saying it again and you better get used to it, because I will be saying it a lot.”

Spock mouth quirked into a smile and he sighed.  “How devastating. I have copulated with a man who will make his affection known to me over and over again and who also likes my cooking. Whatever shall I do?” 

Jim rolled his eyes at Spock’s deadpan voice. “Spock sarcasm is not a good look on you.”  

Spock gave Kirk look of mock surprise. “Really? So tell me Jim, what would look good on me?”

Kirk licked his lips as million ideas flooded his brain. Visions of Spock in leather, lace, silk and of course nothing at all made their way into his mind.  

He put down his fork and cupped the side of Spock’s face. “Oh I can think of a few things.” He said before his lips met Spock’s.   Kirk felt Spock’s hands wrap around his neck and the fingers intertwine with his hair.

They stayed locked together like this till they were both brought crashing to reality by a small cough.  Kirk felt Spock freeze and when he opened his eyes; he saw his love staring blankly.  He pulled away and stood to find Dr. McCoy standing at the edge of the dining room.  He was wearing a light blue collared shirt with white shorts and shoes. He had leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest, an amused smirk to his face.  Kirk saw out of the corner of his eye Spock’s face turning green from embarrassment.  He stepped around the table to block McCoy’s view of the blushing Vulcan.

“Hey Bones! Good morning. How are you? How was the cook out or whatever? Sorry we didn’t make it but we were caught up in something here.”  

McCoy looked at Kirk and then around him to the now emerald colored Spock. “I can see that, Jim.  And judging from those marks on your chest there you two had a good time.”  

Kirk flinched and moved towards the doctor. “A word outside, Bones?” He ushered McCoy outside to the front porch of the hut.

“Bones you could not have come at a worse time.”  Kirk hissed. 

McCoy snorted. “I can see that too, but what I’m curious to know was I interrupting breakfast or something else?”  

Kirk raised his hands fingers spread wide. “That doesn’t matter. What matters is you saw Spock and I locking lips and you know how private Vulcans are. He is in there dying of embarrassment.” 

McCoy shrugged. “What‘s wrong Jim? Afraid he won’t put out again?” 

Kirk gapped at his friend. “I cannot believe you just said that. No, that is not what I am worried about. I am worried that Spock will shut himself off from me completely. You have no idea how much this means to me Bones.”

McCoy smiled and lifted his brow.  He laughed then and shook his head. “Well I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. I must be slipping in my old age. All this time, your  odd behavior was just you mooning over the hobgoblin and now you two have come to an understanding I see.” 

Kirk nodded.  “I love him Bones.” 

McCoy’s face softened and he clapped a hand on Kirk’s shoulder.  “Well I’m not one to scoff at love, even with a failed marriage under my belt.  If it will make you and Spock happy I will keep what I know to myself, but if I were you two, I would tell people. Others aren’t going to be as polite about it as I am and it would be better hear it from your lips then someone else’s.”

Kirk let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you Bones.” 

McCoy grinned at his friend pulling out a pair of sunglasses from his pocket. He put them on and stepped off the porch. “Think nothing of it Jim. I won’t stay.  I was stopping by to see if you wanted to scope one of the other islands for ladies but it seems that would be a moot point now.” 

Kirk gave his friend a shy smile and waved as McCoy headed down the beach.  Once the doctor was out of sight Kirk ducked back into the bungalow. He headed straight to dining room. His breakfast was where he left it but Spock was nowhere to be found.

Kirk moved from the dining room back to Spock’s room. The door was shut but unlocked.  Stepping in, he found Spock standing in the middle of the room arms crossed over his chest.  He turned to face Kirk his features neutral but there was slight green tint to his cheeks.  

“I suppose that Dr. McCoy has figured out that we are now a couple?”  

Kirk nodded. “Yes, but he has told me that he will not relay that information to anyone else. So for now we’re a secret.”  Kirk walked up to Spock and hugged him. Spock uncrossed his arms and returned the gesture.

“Do you wish for us to remain a secret, Jim?” Spock whispered. 

Kirk shook his head. “No, Spock I do not. I want to tell the whole universe about us, but I will understand if you want to maintain a low profile.” Spock was still then he pulled back from Kirk but did not release him.  His dark eyes bore into Kirk’s hazel ones. 

“No I do not wish to keep a low profile. Even though I feel that this should be kept between us, I know that to do so would be to admit shame in what we are doing and I feel no shame in my affection for you. So I want others to know, but for now until we board the ship, let’s keep this as it is now. Things will become complicated for us very soon, so this time of simple pleasures should be cherished.”

Kirk nodded again, moving his hands to Spock’s and their fingers intertwined. “Okay Spock.” 

Spock leaned into Kirk so that their forehead touched. “Thank you Jim.” Kirk smiled and pulled away from Spock. He let go of one hand and with the other pulled the Vulcan behind him out of the room.  

“Come on Spock. Let’s finish breakfast, before it gets any colder.”

Once back in the dining room they resumed their meals.  Afterwards Kirk helped Spock clear the dishes and they moving into their perspective rooms to change into swim trunks.  They grabbed a blanket and umbrella then headed out onto the beach.   

They laid out the blanket and set up the umbrella for maximum effect then took care to put sunscreen on each other. Spock became a little vexed at Kirk when he kept drawing hearts with the sunscreen on his back, but once they were sufficiently protected from the sun they went out into the water and played. Well Kirk played in the water. Spock just stood watching his captain with a bemused look to his face.   

After splashing Spock and getting him to give chase up the beach, Kirk ran back to the blanket and collapsed on top of it. Spock crashed on top of Kirk and they just laid there holding one another.  Kirk placed kisses on Spock’s face and Spock’s hands ran over Kirk’s body.  After a while Kirk broke the silence.  “Spock, I was thinking that after we are done with this mission let’s get a place together.”

Spock gave Kirk a puzzled look. “A place, Jim? You do know that it will be quite some time before our mission is over? A lot could happen between now and then.”  

Kirk shrugged. “I know but I don’t care. I want this to work and I want to start planning our future as soon as possible. We could get a house somewhere. I know we can’t have any children but we could adopt or raise dogs or something and that could be our little family”

“Dogs, Jim?” Spock was silent for beat then he said, “Dachshunds?”  

Kirk blinked in surprise. “Dachshunds, Spock? You mean the long little dogs from earth?”  

Spock nodded solemnly. “Yes Jim. I discovered them when researching breeds of earth canines. They are illogically built creatures but I find them aesthetically pleasing.”  

Kirk placed a hand on Spock’s face and kissed him full on the mouth.  “Spock if you want dachshunds, then we will have dachshunds, a whole pack of them just for you.”

Spock gave Kirk a little smile. “I do not think that will be necessary, but a couple would be pleasant.”

They spent the rest of the day together like that. Later that night after getting showers and climbing into the bed together in Spock’s room, Spock turned to Kirk. “Jim I have been reflecting on what you had said to me the night of the ball and I must ask. Is it, as it is said, lonely at the top?” 

Kirk wrapped an arm around Spock and pulled the Vulcan towards him. He looked deep in to Spock’s eyes and said. “Not anymore.” Spock smiled then reached over and turned off the lamp nearest to him. In the darkness the two men intertwined their bodies and began the first of several sessions of lovemaking knowing that from now on it would only get better from here.


End file.
